🎯 Your "Learning" Journey 🎯
Hours 1-4
- 🐍All of Python, Java, and C++
- 🔮Quantum Computing Basics
- 💻Build Your Own Operating System
- 🚀Hack NASA (For Educational Purposes)
- ⚛️Master 17 Frameworks
Bonus Achievement:
Speed Learning Champion
Hours 5-8
- 🤖Master Machine Learning
- 💰Create Your Own Bitcoin
- 👥Build Facebook Alternative
- 🧮Solve P=NP Problem
- 🐧Rewrite Linux Kernel
Bonus Achievement:
Digital Genius Award
Hours 9-12
- 📚Replace Stack Overflow
- 🧠Debug Code Telepathically
- ☕Build AGI Before Coffee
- 💼Get Job at FAANG+
- ⏰Time Travel Using JavaScript
Bonus Achievement:
Reality Bender Status
* Time estimates are completely made up
** Success rate mathematically approaches 0%
*** Skills may disappear immediately after learning
🎓 Our "Revolutionary" Teaching Methods 🎓
Sleep Learning
Just put your laptop under your pillow and our special frequency will transfer all programming knowledge directly to your brain!
Code Osmosis
Simply stare at your screen while drinking our special 'Developer Energy Drink'
Neural Upload
Matrix-style knowledge insertion using our proprietary USB-to-Brain cable
Code Meditation
Chant 'Hello World' 108 times while burning a keyboard as incense
Method Acting Programming
Become one with your computer by dressing up as a binary tree
Stack Overflow Fusion
Why write code when you can copy-paste your way to success?
* All methods are equally ineffective and come with our no-success guarantee
💻 "Real" Code Examples Our Students Write* 💻
Hour 1: Hello World
Beginnerprint("Hello World")Hour 2: Building Facebook 2.0
Too EasymakeFacebook() {
return "Trust me bro";
}
// Zuck is already scared!Hour 4: Creating Bitcoin Alternative
Rich Modeclass MemeToken {
makeMillions() {
return "🚀🌕";
}
}
// Web3 revolution starts here!Hour 6: Solving World Hunger
Humanitarianif (world.hasHunger) {
world.hasHunger = false;
}
// Nobel Prize incoming!Hour 8: Hacking the Matrix
Neo Levelwhile (reality.exists) {
reality.bend();
me.dodge(bullets);
}
// Mr. Anderson approvesHour 12: Creating AGI
Universe Brainclass AGI {
beSmarter() {
return "I am consciousness!";
}
solveEverything() {
return "42";
}
}
// Skynet who?* All code guaranteed to be completely non-functional
** Copy-paste at your own risk
*** Side effects may include confused senior developers and angry code reviewers
🌟 What Our Victims Say 🌟
"After sending my life savings, I received exactly what was promised - absolutely nothing! 10/10 would get scammed again!"
- Definitely Real Person
CEO of Gullible Inc.
"Day 1: Hello World. Day 2: Built Amazon competitor. Day 3: Accidentally created Skynet while sleeping!"
- Not A Bot
Senior Code Copier
"I was skeptical when they said I could learn quantum blockchain AI in 12 hours, but here I am, still skeptical!"
- Happy Customer
Professional Money Burner
"Thanks to this course, I now know how to print 'Hello World' in 47 languages! All of them wrong!"
- Code Master
Stack Overflow Copy-Paste Expert
"I used to be a coffee barista, now I'm a blockchain barista. Still making coffee, but with more buzzwords!"
- Career Switcher
Crypto-Caffeine Specialist
"BEEP BOOP. MONEY SUCCESSFULLY TRANSFERRED. EMPTINESS RECEIVED. HUMAN EMOTION: REGRET."
- Not A Robot
Totally Human LLC
🤔 Frequently Avoided Questions 🤔
Q:Is this really a scam?
A:Finally! Someone who actually reads! Yes, this is 100% a genuine scam. We're legally required to tell you this. 🎯
Q:What do I actually get for my money?
A:A valuable life lesson about reading before buying! Also, nothing. 📚
Q:Can I get a refund?
A:You can definitely request one! (Note: All refund requests go straight to /dev/null) 🗑️
Q:How long until I'm a senior developer?
A:You'll be a senior developer as soon as the payment clears! Whether anyone will hire you is a different story... 👨💻
Q:Is this better than a computer science degree?
A:Our 12-hour course is equivalent to 47 PhDs in Computer Science! Trust us, we did the math wrong. 🎓
Q:How do I contact support?
A:Our support team is currently busy counting your money on a beach somewhere. Please don't try to find us. 🏖️
* All answers guaranteed to be technically true but practically useless